The trip

Food wise the trip was a disaster.

On another note the trip was amazing.  W asked me to marry him!!!

Dunedin

We are in Dunedin for the weekend looking forward to seeing my family

Nothing like trying on ur skinny clothes to make you go !! Yup gotta get my arse back in these ! So I tried on the skinny jeans I brought at Xmas, can't do em up and my beloved never really fitted the, properly Levi's, neither I can do up, so my goal is now to get my arse ( skinnier arse/tummy )fitting into them nicely so I have clothes to wear in winter. 

How will I get this weight off. Good healthy eating and exercise, SO! Once back from Dunedin the exercise needs to kick in, as the food is pretty much on par. So Tuesday back from dunedin, gym you and me have a date! Rpm class here I come. :-) 

I plan to my skinny by summer and under 80kgs

Weigh in day

Are you ready !!!

I lost 700 grams !! I am stoked made my goal of 500 grams a week !!!

Only ate my daylies ( I cycle them up and down each day) and earned 13 exercise points :)


On a even better note we finally own out section in Millwater :)

Plodding

Yesterday I did not make it to the gym, I had issue with my stomach not to pleasant and I felt like I had been run over by a truck and then hit by something else.

I am a bit better today but not dealing with the stress of the house to well at the moment, on the plus side I am not eating these stress feelings.

I AM going for a 7 odd km walk tonight with a friend to try and pound out my frustrations about things.

I WILL never ever build a house again!

That is all for now.

TTOM is definatly on its way.. the scales tell me so!

Pizza for dinner last night - gym today to counter balance

I went to a friends to visit they have a new born, and he is cute as a button, I got to feed and cuddle him etc. We ended up staying for dinner and we ordered pizza, I got mine thin crust, had 4 pieces possibly 1 to many, = 20 points and a wee few wedges = 3 points, making me over my dailies and I used some of my weeklies. SO today to counter this I need to go to the gym, hoping to do a a 30 min walk and then 30 mins weight and 30 mins ab class. Not next week ( hair appt)  but the week after I am going to do a 30 min run class followed by a 30 min pump class and see how I cope with it.

I would like to get my running back to 5 kms in 35 min runs and then look to possible run 7-10 kms once a week. I miss running and I miss being that fit.

House.. WAITING on the mortgage man to sort himself out and get the paper work back to the lawyer so we can sign, then draw down the money and pay the bloody people! We do have until Monday, but common man it was possibly going to be last Friday and HE told me they would have had it yesterday.
Yes I am impatient BUT I have been waiting 6 months for this. So I am completley over it!

TTOM is on its way.. scales have jumped up a fair bit since Sunday, but hoping that it will all sort itself out by Saturday.

When it CLICKS

I AM there.. I am ready I want this..

Last night I was looking at photos of myself at 80-85 kgs and I look so much slimmer and happier. SO I am going back there. I am going to do this. How.... I need to give up sugar and chocolate. CHOCOLATE is just the worst for me.. and when I say give up I really mean cut down. I eat far to much for the stuff. I need to find my love for exercise and get back to running or gym-ing 5-6 times a week. I am going for a walk tonight weather that be at the gym our outside. Wednesday I am going to the gym and Thursday as well.

I can do this..

Watch this space...

New start

93.8 kgs

Today is the beginning of the last stretch of my journey .. I have a ultimate goal of 77kilos.
But first aiming for 91 kgs 2-3 kg chunks. And then keeping them off, I can do this and now I know "why" things haven't worked for the past year and a bit I can go back to what works and it will come off :) bring on 91 kgs :) and cricket being finished so I can stay for meetings and exercise again in Saturdays :-)

I have to believe in myself, trust in my choices and own them. I also have a bridesmaids dress and wedding to get ready for ( my brothers next may)

Drawing a line

Tomorrow I will go to my meeting and draw a line in the sand and weigh in. Then the goal is SLIM by Summer ! ( or when we move into our house.) I can do this, small chunks. I am aiming for 500 grams a week and to eventually be back to 5-6 days of exercise a week. I can do this, I know I can 2 years ago I was doing this awesomely. SO I CAN DO IT AGAIN !! 

Scales will be kind if I do the right thing by my body. 

I also need to start eating a few different things as well, as the last week I have lived of tinned fish and salad for lunch and fish fillets and salad for dinner ( dont like upsetting my tummy and this doesn't) but I need variety. 

Today I had a protein shake for breakfast and I have a tuna salad for lunch. I have yoghurt and a few other good choices in there as well. I can do this. I know I can. 

The want has to be great enough

After a very long in my own head conversation with myself I have come to the realisation that I have to want to lose this weight enough to not eat extra things and to be disciplined enough to stay with in my points budget. I can do this.. I know I can and even just "being good" over the last two days my weight is dropping back.
Monday I was 94.8 today I am 94.5 ( its not a lot) but its better than nothing, My lowest weight this year on the home scales has been 93.6 which was just after my operation. I now have some goals in mind and one of them is just to get back to exercising 5-6 times a week as I was doing right before I ended up in the hospital. I love the gym and I have a routine for that. With W's cricket season coming to an end I am thinking I can now get saturday and sunday exercise in as well, even if they are just a good long walk or a short run.

I still have stitches they are slowly dissolving but if I over do anything they pull and hurt. But I have decided I want to go back to rpm and pump next week, just one class of each to get me moving again and 2 walks. then the week after add another gym class etc etc until I am back to 5-6 days a week of exercise. I would love to get to the point where its everyday, but some nights when I get home from my job I am shattered. Teaching little people is exhausting.


House side things are improving we have a settlement date of the 25th of March. But this may be brought forward once the ducks get into their row. Just bathroom things to choose and then we are sorted pretty much and can have a colour consultation with the Stonewood people.

The large need to pull ones head in!!

I am eating far far to much sugary crap!!! I need to just stop. So today I have 1 pp allocated to 1 small mini chocolate and that is it!

I am going for a 30 min walk and next week I will add one or two gym classes back in to my routine and well get this weight off.. ONLY I can do it and its my choices that impact the decision.

I can do this..

POSITIVE -- we have a title and should settle on Friday !
YAY Finally !!

Ops I slept through my meeting !!

So so tired I slept through my meeting. That's ok I can sorry it all out and go back next week :)

Title is fine so on Monday hopefully we will be all go to settle on Friday and own our land. Snails pace I tell you! The building of the house better be mods bloody swift !!

Feeling better but still very tired, was at school the last two days :) slowly getting back to myself hoping to add a few walks in next week.

Sun on the horizon.. well I hope

The lawyer emailed me. They have the title, just waiting for the easements and consents attached to it. There are about 4/5 of them, this bit makes me uncomfortable as I am like what could they be and as this has been a long enough road I worry we wont make it there in the end. This building a house thing is not for the faint hearted at all it will drive you insane if you let it.

So I will await the lawyer to call or to check the issues and let us know. I am hoping!! He has remembered to send the kiwisaver stuff off as well, as I will be pissed if he hasn't as that is a HOLE lot of money we can take off the mortgage in the end.

The day I was admitted to hospital I weighed in that morning at home at 95.8 kgs, today I weighed myself 93.6 kgs thats -2.2 kgs in 10 days.. I am one happy little camper, may it continue and may my weight finally drop into the 80's and never see the 90's ever again ( well maybe if I get pregnant one day that might be ok MAYBE).

I am feeling good, had a nausea attack after dinner last night nearly killed me I was so upset and in pain that I couldn't think straight thank god for W going ... PILLS take them !! He really is a good fella to me. Hoping that I can head back to work tomorrow.. I am bored and the title stuff is eating me alive I just want it sorted so I can move forward.. either finish choosing colours etc OR flag the hole bloody thing and buy a house!

Ill be back later to fill you all in on the house stuff as we learn more.. :)

Home on the mend but going a bit batty

I am going a little bonkers! I hate being at home but after about 4 hours I am shattered just from watching TV and making myself coffee/food. :( I need to go back to work I miss my kids and my friends at school. So I am hoping Thursday I can manage to get back there to my kiddies and get myself on the mend. Some how I see myself being rather tired by the weekend.

On the plus side my weight is going down, might have something to do with the lack of eating, yesterday was the first day I ate properly, 6 small meals as I can't eat a lot as I feel nauseated etc very quickly, but I am noticing I can eat a little more each time, still get nauseated and feel like crap for eating but you have to eat etc. Apparently its a 6 month turn around from operation to feeling/eating back to normal healthy low fat diet ( fat is not a good option as it can cause bile dumping and that causes all sorts of issues).

On that note, now the gallbladder is gone my weight shift, as it can be a huge reason for weight gain and things. So hopefully all my hard work over jan and feb will continue once I am good to go and it will melt off. I really can not wait to get back walking and then back to the gym, but at the moment I get tired very quickly so walking can wait a bit longer as well.

Other than that. We have a title for our house now waiting for the lawyer to call me back, from FRIDAY..not happy I called again today and now waiting again. He best call me back I want to know when we settle etc etc so we can get this bloody house built so I can finally live with my boy in "our" home and we can be a wee family and have our own address etc... yes I am batty but thats important to me!

Hospital

On Sunday I was admitted to hospital, today I had my gall bladder removed I fe so so much better!! Thank goodness for that.

The thing that is interesting is gallbladder issues cause weight gain and I worked out the issue I have been having since late lady year. These could all be why I couldn't get the weight off.

Once I am well again I will go back to what I was doing and see what happens !!

Schools back

UGH I am SOOO busy I have forgotten to blog.

I love being at work for the routine but I am so tired its amazing.

I  managed 4 exercise session last week. Felt great. -100 grams.. why thank you thats fine. I am sure I deserved more.. But no.. ohh well moving on!!

Other than that.. still awaiting title... and then there will be movement around the house etc.

Hope you are all well.

Vic

Coming together.

Sorry I am sure you will all be sick of me by about now BUT the house really is my life at the moment and choosing things is as well and it means we are nearly bloody there. The mortgage will be scary but do-able and well.. FUCK ( sorry) I am 30 in 3 months and my life is finally starting to resemble what I want it to look like so you can all here about it!!!

So these are the colours :) that paint is called half black white ;)

Well at least I can maintain ??

Hmm the scales at home were  nice to me all week going down slowly, went out for dinner on Thursday drank 3/4 of a bottle of Kim Crawford Lite ( low alc low Calories, 2 pp for 150 ml ) and was fine yesterday to.... a 100 gram gain today on the scales.

There are a few things about my lifestyle right now that are well.. ummm NOT cutie cutie or ok.
I eat far far to much sugar, I move way to little and I have not entered the doors of the gym in weeks, its like I have grown this ideal of being scared of it. ( stupid woman).

So to remedy the gym issue, body PUMP I am going to visit you at 5 pm this evening, I dont care about anyone else I need to go for me, fantastically my friend is coming to ! Brave girl she is, or she just likes to laugh along with me. To make sure we are both back at the gym we are going again tomorrow to body Attack, we have been to this before and laughed our asses off as we are both not that co-ordinated so it is at least amuzing! But is an awesome calorie burn/point earner. So should kick start myself. Monday I will go for a walk at the beach, might try and make it 20-30 mins if I can and then tuesday another gym class, poss boxing. I need to find a routine that works for me, as well right now tracking alone isnt cutting the mustard. Saying this I can honestly say I have been 100% honest with myself for the past two weeks, it may not look pretty but I have been honest. I need to change a fair bit to get myself back to how I like to be, today I am going to try reduce the sugar intake and tomorrow I will cut it again. Hoping for a nice loss this week.

I have to TRACK and EXERCISE 4 times this week .. these are my goals.

On other fronts, the mortgage got declined on Monday, enter panick mode for me, and we got approved by another company on thusday and that is only subject to the title being realesed from the council and at this rate if it is not realeased anytime soon our house wont get started because we wont have planning permissione etc on time for them to start early April ( planning and consent can take up to 12 weeks, Well thats late april and they will breach the contract if its not done. But honestly I would rather they did not rush the house the longer we have the longer we can save for curtain, fences and landscaping ohh and furniture etc! So thats all good.

So waiting we are till we see the title !! Going to look at tiles and carpet today, may aswell look at these things and choose them so we can get the house moving once we have the title.


Finally got my sorry arse to the gym and loved it !! Was awesome pump class I love it and I'll be back there again this week, it was a split class 30 mins pump 30 mins of Abs. Loved both !! 6 exercise points thank you and foods been great :-) feel back in control finally.

We have tiles too !! Think we have decided on which ones as well. Going to get some test pots tomorrow for wall colours and next week we will look at carpet and bathroom fittings. Then once we pay some money we can go to the colour consultant and choose the outside colours and window and door frames . I think that's all .... Haha bloody jeepers

As for the inside we have a lounge sweat and a washing machine and a fair few kitchen bits and our bed .. So wee need stuff there too but it will come :) we have a birthday before we move in too :)

Who knows we might need to have an engagement patty to ... Maybe.. that ball is in someone elses court ..

Night night I'll post pics of tiles tomorrow :)

Not impressed with weigh in

Not a happy camper, my weight wont move at all ! Its just stuck and I went for a run yesterday and ate ok but no. ALSO last week I was good ate under a wee few but nothing magor! NOT impressed not happy just makes me grrr at my body and then... more determined to lose this god awful fat belly I have at the moment.

Starting to feel a bit better as the numbers and my puku go down!

I feel  bit better today about myself, my stomach is not as big but its still bit compared to before xmas. I am certain all the weight I have put on all went to the one place, its the place I do not like and possibly will never like due to skin etc etc. BUT it is shrinking. 

I feel a bit better in general other than my back hurting like stink from lifting and carrying computers up and down stairs, I think in total I carried 10 lots down the stairs ( 2 flights) and 8 lots up the stairs, not sure my back was to impressed. 

I am going to go for a swim today. I NEED to find my exercise mojo he must be berried under my tummy fat, as I just don't feel like BUT I know I love it once I get started.

Right breakfast for me !

Going well :) three good days

Saturday was great at cricket I managed really well even came 2 points short. Sunday at the beach was hard, I wobbled a little but tracked everything, I can't in 7 points over. Yesterday was good came in bang on. Up this morning to go help W at work to install 55 computers and I feel good.

Weight today @ home was 94.2 (-1 kg since Saturday)

Things to improve on, yesterday I drank no water at all, so today I need to get in at least a litre of water, I also need to add exercise to my routine. I do have my pedometer on today for the first time in ages.

Beach day and all planned food wise :)

I planned my food and packed it all, we were up at 7 an to head to wenderholm for the day. They all had cooked breakfast I had my cereal & coffee happy as :-) have lunch sorted as well pre made and my snacks I don't need to eat anything but my food and Ma packed lots of fruit, all sorted.

I can do this.

Why ???

Why do I want to be a slim and in healthy weight range ?
I HATE my fat rolls, I despise it ! It makes me sick hanging there !! That is the main reason I want to lose weight, for vanity and to feel pretty and good in myself. Secondly I want to be healthy I want to be well and not over weight !

Why do I sabotage myself ?!
I think I get into a mode of ohh well I can do it next week or I can start again next week but this attitude needs to change, I have to try and "fix" it after the point or the next meal or day. I also have to stop setting myself up for failure and track and be accountable ALL the time.
Why is this so important to me ?

Why do I lose my control ?
I think it's stress .. The house stuff my family stuff all add up, but eating my feelings, that's really not helping me as then I get annoyed at myself for that as well, and it adds to the stress. I also think at times I get sick of being on a diet, like completely over it, then I remind myself it's not a diet it's a lifestyle! It is how I want to live and be and what's want for myself, then why do I not focus on that!

Why the excuses ?
I use them to explain away things, I am the only one who is accountable to my eating, W never ever says anything and would never. But sometimes I wish he would think but at the end of the day ... These are MY choices these are the things I want. So excuses no more. Do or do not there is no try!

What are you going to do now, give up or CHANGE?!
I have to change to create the outcomes I want in my life I have make choices not to live this way. I need to exercise it helps with my stress relief and helps me manage my food intake.

WEIGH IN - 94.7 @ weight watchers (95.2 @ home )

Bloody head cold :(

Bugger it I have woken up feeling more as than I did yesterday !!! Bloody annoying if I do say so myself !! I can hardly swallow!! Stupid glands and throat.

Today we need to apply for life insurance, contact the lawyer about the title and ring some of the sub contractors for the building company to make times to meet with them about everything. And start choosing some colours I really do like the Gray/blue from yesterday's blog like really like it. Might have to be a really like /want choice for me .. See wast W thinks and the colour lady in a few weeks time I guess :-)

I kinda feel like I have so much to do but I am unsure where to start.. Weird but rue also a little on edge I want the valuation back and the mortgage definatly approved so we can take a deep breath and move into being mortgage payers ( oh yay guess its made better as it's only for the land and gets bigger as house gets finished)

Ohh what do you all think about black and white for the kitchen ?? Black bench and splash back and white cupboard with chrome chunky handles ???


94.3 kgs today ( -900 grams since yesterday)

Today has gone ok considering I am sick and the stress that keeps being thrown my way.. thanks building company you cocked yet another thing up and now I have to scramble and get you to fix it and then you make me feel like its a HUGE issue.. yes our bank wants things screwed down.. they are a bank.. you would think they have never built a house for anyone who has used a bank to fund the build before.. so cross.. but trying not to eat that cross feeling instead venting out on Facebook and here, and to top it off the valuer rings and is like ops a bit behind and she hasn't even been to the section and she is soooo busy and blah blah.. I DO NOT CARE do your job lady !! I am paying you nearly a grand do you bloody job ! We need her valuation for the bank as well and we have to settle for the section on the 18th... and yes it is stressing me a little as I don't like waiting on people and things to get what I want, I like to be in control of things. Yes I am Taurus ! We are control freaks of the best kind!!

 This Photo is the last day of 2012, I used instagram to take this one. 

 Again and instagram photo taken on 31/12/2012

St Clair beach Dunedin taken on 6/1/2013

On the food front had lunch at 3:30 pm soo dinner will be something light might even have a yoghurt and fruit and a ice block its soo freaking HOT !! YAY HOT... haha yes I like being over cooked warm too. 1.6 liters water, more water needed.


A friend posted this on facebook.... I am going to "believe" that this house will eventuate !!

3.2 liters of water and pancakes for dinner. ( lemonade pancakes 3 pp each will post recipie of anyone wants it just ask.. YUM too. ) The whole family were like what are you having and I got a chorus of me too's, so we all had it with fresh fruit and I had a yoghurt as well. Was YUMMY as !! 

I have has also been looking online for things to make for dinners and weight watchers have some yum as stuff, if I find anything I love I will post it here and again can give the recipie etc. My "Ma" is just vetting them for dinner ideas and we can go from there, so looking forward to that. I am going to try and come up with 15 odd things we can have for dinners so we get past this.. "What shall we have for dinner thing?" 

Feel good about today, currently at 29/33 points but I may have something else.. if I get hungry otherwise. Nope ! 

night all.. 

me 

Why is it I eat my feelings ??

This is something that has struck me over the last few days, when things get hard emotionally I eat and eat and can't stop myself. I really just eat anything in sight even if I don't feel like it !!! I need to fine away to stop think and then make the best choice for myself. I need to go back go positive self talk and working through and talking myself through my food choices.
I also think I maybe addicted to sugar do I need to cut that right back out of my diet again. 3 points a day and that's all. I miss fruit and vegetables especially carrots so they need to come back on the menu and mix them up I also miss yoghurt !!

These things ill be eating today !! I Also will be cutting back on bread !

95.2 kgs today - time to change that 9 to an 8 !!!

Here are some photos I took in Dunedin.

Today is going well :) have 18 points left just gotta work on getting a fair bit more water in.. But today's focus was food intake. The question is ..... What to have for dinner !!!!
I hate dinners sometimes here as its hard and I at times have to cook just to get dinner made :/ which is ok if I want too cook. Think I might organise a dinner for tomorrow though.
I have to avoid the kitchen and the chocolates dumped on the coffee table in the lounge makes life a bit hard but positive talk to avoid is working well and hiding in out room.

Water intake pure water 2.4 litres and 3 cups of black coffee, so doing ok. :D

Dinner was eggs in toast with a salad, it was yum too. I am at 28 points for the day and I am happy with that, it's 8:40pm and the only other thing I may want is a cup of tea, which if W makes means I stay out of the kitchen. Which is away for the bloody pantry full ( yes still) full of junk food.

Looks like we will be heading to the zoo or out to do something on Thursday and then Friday beach trip, Saturday W has cricket and Sunday we will head to the beach again, these are all weather dependent and I need to come up with a plan for staying on track over these days but having things I want etc to eat. I have to weigh in on Saturday come hell or high water as I need to draw that line in the sand and move onward and make myself accountable again.

I think I need to make a salad for lunch on cricket days and take the equivalent of a "work" lunch., to cricket with me.

On a brighter note we are just waiting for the bank guy to get back to us now we have sent him everything he needs. We need to settle on the section in the 18th of January, eek but also yay! Also need to start choosing things for the inside and the rest if build process, taps and door handles and colours etc. need to make appointments sooner rather than later so we can get this to the council. Also looking forward to getting the valuation back as well.

Right going to watch a movie and go to bed.
Hope you are all good.

I really like this blue grey colour but it maybe to much for the hole house to be that one colour,

Going to visit my family and house stuff

On the 31/12/2012 we signed everything up for the house it's all conditional on money and valuations and the title coming through for the land. These things are all normal and we know we have the $$ to pay for the house and that the value is definatly there so not much to worry about but we still are. But I found a few exterior colours I like while going on our road trip beach trip yesterday.
What do you all think??

Going to Dunedin to see my family for 4 days ;) can't wait to see my nana and grandad :)

Yesterday, well actually all if December were not good progress on the weight loss front I am hoping a few days away and a weigh in ( time to just go yup done and move on) will help reset my brain. Looming forward to returning home to get into gym and running looking at 1.5 ish hours a day a run or interval training session and a gym class, 5 days a week until I go back up work then cut down to an hour a day :)

Weight today 94.7 kgs ( back to where I was this time last year)