Monday 31 December 2012
Sunday 30 December 2012
Time to look at my hang ups.
I don't know if anyone else feels like this ... but do you still "see yourself fat" or criticise everything you see in the mirror. I do.. I am still very hard on myself possibly even more now than when I was at my biggest. I hate my stomach with passion, the fat and the saggy bits make me mad at myself for allowing myself to get there. In a way I guess that stops me from allowing myself to ever go back there and get that big ever ever again. But I still dislike to nearly hate some parts of myself, like my "good bye" arms I wouldn't wear singlets because I was sure ( in my head) people were going "oh look at her arms" but honestly do people really have the time to care about some strangers arms.. NO.. So today I am wearing a singlet. I am allowing myself not to roast to death and be cool and not give a shit, well trying not to give a shit.
Today I a planning dinner, if I want healthy meals I need to plan them and possibly just cook all the time.. works for me.. or I just make my own dinners or have salad etc and I am lucky no one ever minds etc if I say "no thanks" to dinner.
Interesting how people re-act to the pantry, I have posted the photos on my group page on facebook as well. Yeah thats in my face just lucky "W" is good when it comes to me going, can you get me this or that and he always does, knowing I can eat myself silly if not in the right frame of mind to fight the pantry and its overwhelming junk content.
Right off now to decide on dinner.. be back later on .
11 exercise points from a body attack class all ready earned today.
93.2 kgs this morning as well.
Ok for Dinner we are having Weight watchers Roast vegetable frittata 6 pro-points a serve, with a salad and some ham on the side. 8 pro-points total :D
Yumm !!!!! can not wait to eat it.. Looking forward to it. Leave me with 7 points for pudding and or supper type food.
Oh my the frittata was amazing and very filling worth the pp value and I will be creating these for lunches for next year I think, also the pan we brought ma for Xmas was perfect for making it ( happens to be the brand of pots and pans I want) which is brilliant.
I still have 7 pp left ..... Now to attempt not to eat them on shit choices.
I am going to try and take a pitot a day took add to my blog, in the mean time you can see some of my snapseed creations. I love playing with the camera and apps on my phone and iPad. Also love that I can blog from anywhere makes keeping one self busy very easy at the moment.
We are off to dunedin in 4 days to visit my family, looking forward to that but sadly it's hard as my grandparents get older I think bout the fact that this might be my last visit to share with them. So I spend extra time with them. We are back in dunedin in march to see my dad, have to wonder if the boy might ask my dad for his permission to marry me then. We have been discussing a particular ring and things of recent but well who really knows with men these days. I really would like to be engaged its a nice commitment to make to one another and shows everyone we have purpose and intent to get married at some point. Also makes us a "family" in our own right and well makes me a firm part of his family. I love him he is the person I want to grow old with, it's that simple. Funny how easy those things can be.
Today I a planning dinner, if I want healthy meals I need to plan them and possibly just cook all the time.. works for me.. or I just make my own dinners or have salad etc and I am lucky no one ever minds etc if I say "no thanks" to dinner.
Interesting how people re-act to the pantry, I have posted the photos on my group page on facebook as well. Yeah thats in my face just lucky "W" is good when it comes to me going, can you get me this or that and he always does, knowing I can eat myself silly if not in the right frame of mind to fight the pantry and its overwhelming junk content.
Right off now to decide on dinner.. be back later on .
11 exercise points from a body attack class all ready earned today.
93.2 kgs this morning as well.
Ok for Dinner we are having Weight watchers Roast vegetable frittata 6 pro-points a serve, with a salad and some ham on the side. 8 pro-points total :D
Yumm !!!!! can not wait to eat it.. Looking forward to it. Leave me with 7 points for pudding and or supper type food.
Oh my the frittata was amazing and very filling worth the pp value and I will be creating these for lunches for next year I think, also the pan we brought ma for Xmas was perfect for making it ( happens to be the brand of pots and pans I want) which is brilliant.
I still have 7 pp left ..... Now to attempt not to eat them on shit choices.
I am going to try and take a pitot a day took add to my blog, in the mean time you can see some of my snapseed creations. I love playing with the camera and apps on my phone and iPad. Also love that I can blog from anywhere makes keeping one self busy very easy at the moment.
We are off to dunedin in 4 days to visit my family, looking forward to that but sadly it's hard as my grandparents get older I think bout the fact that this might be my last visit to share with them. So I spend extra time with them. We are back in dunedin in march to see my dad, have to wonder if the boy might ask my dad for his permission to marry me then. We have been discussing a particular ring and things of recent but well who really knows with men these days. I really would like to be engaged its a nice commitment to make to one another and shows everyone we have purpose and intent to get married at some point. Also makes us a "family" in our own right and well makes me a firm part of his family. I love him he is the person I want to grow old with, it's that simple. Funny how easy those things can be.
Day end: 33/33 points
Lots of water and
11 exercise points earned
I feel rather good about today and going in to tomorrow, I will try and get in a run ( gym shuts early and we have a meeting and people coming early) but will try get my run in before we go to the house meeting.
I will eat well until the point of the evening strarted and then I am going to drink my low calorie wine and eat a few nibbles and enjoy new years eve AND all going well I will run or walk or swim on Tuesday 1 / 1 / 2013 to burn off the new years eve splurge.
take care all
me
Saturday 29 December 2012
Good day..
Today minus the pain and massive headache was a good day food wise.
30/33 points
Lots of water
Tomorrow I will add some exercise to this and work on removing the sugar content from my diet a little more.
I am aware New Year's Eve is coming and I am going to celebrate the end if this year, it has been long and hard at times year. But we have achieved so much. I didn't work full time for the first 6 months of the year yet we have a 10% deposit for our house build saved, we have decided to build a house and its been a fairly stressful process at times and I am sure in the coming year it will be even more stressful but I am looking forward to seeing it grow and form and shape into our home where we can start "our" family and get married and things.
Life at times has its challenges I need to learn to stop using food as a way of dealing with them and also to stop punishing myself with food as well. Food is not going to come up with an answer ..... . I am... And only I can make myself sort out what is in my head, and deal with it.
I am a lot happier when I am in control and I need to learn that I don't have to be 100% perfect to be in control either.
As of this morning I weighed in at 93.7 kgs and I am NOT happy about that at all. So before I weigh in I would like to bring that back down a bit.. Once I weigh in at Ww on the 12/01/2012 ( or possibly 5/2/2012 in dunedin ) I need to draw a line and get my sorry butt moving in the right direction ... Downward to smaller happier and healthier me.
To be happy.... I have to create my own happiness!
The photos I added yesterday were of the pantry in the house I live in ( my partners parents), just showing people what's in my face when I open the pantry but I need to learn to just block it out. It's only food!
Picture to night is of the sunset the other day.
30/33 points
Lots of water
Tomorrow I will add some exercise to this and work on removing the sugar content from my diet a little more.
I am aware New Year's Eve is coming and I am going to celebrate the end if this year, it has been long and hard at times year. But we have achieved so much. I didn't work full time for the first 6 months of the year yet we have a 10% deposit for our house build saved, we have decided to build a house and its been a fairly stressful process at times and I am sure in the coming year it will be even more stressful but I am looking forward to seeing it grow and form and shape into our home where we can start "our" family and get married and things.
Life at times has its challenges I need to learn to stop using food as a way of dealing with them and also to stop punishing myself with food as well. Food is not going to come up with an answer ..... . I am... And only I can make myself sort out what is in my head, and deal with it.
I am a lot happier when I am in control and I need to learn that I don't have to be 100% perfect to be in control either.
As of this morning I weighed in at 93.7 kgs and I am NOT happy about that at all. So before I weigh in I would like to bring that back down a bit.. Once I weigh in at Ww on the 12/01/2012 ( or possibly 5/2/2012 in dunedin ) I need to draw a line and get my sorry butt moving in the right direction ... Downward to smaller happier and healthier me.
To be happy.... I have to create my own happiness!
The photos I added yesterday were of the pantry in the house I live in ( my partners parents), just showing people what's in my face when I open the pantry but I need to learn to just block it out. It's only food!
Picture to night is of the sunset the other day.
Friday 28 December 2012
Choosing to change instead of wallowing in my own self issues
I am the the only person who can change this outcome
I am the one who chooses what I eat and how much I eat, I am the one who chooses weather I exercise or not.
1: What do I want ....
2: What is that going to look like...
3: What do I need to change to meet these goals ...
4: What am I willing to change or not change to meet these goals.
1: I want to be at goal 77 - 80 kgs
I want to be healthy and have a balanced approach to food and exercise where a bad day does not de-rail me for a week or more.
I want to exercise 5 times a week for an hour at a time.
2: balanced eating staying within my daily points.
To eat at least half of my exercise points and remove weeklies as they are not helping me.
3: I need to control my eating and stick I my daily points.
I need to work on my issues with food and emotional eating.
I need to be more committed to myself and reaching my goals.
4: I want to live a nice life style where I can have a bad day that does not end in a disaster for weeks on end.
I am willing to work in my issues become more committed to my goals and being the best person I can be.
I am going to learn to deal with stress better and not eat my feelings.
****
Doing ok today .. Slight high in the sugar category but today's goal 33 points only is still under control.
I have a huge muscle knot in my left shoulder it's so big and sitting on my nerve and killing my arm and shoulder. It's sending pains and numbness right down to my fingers :(
I am the one who chooses what I eat and how much I eat, I am the one who chooses weather I exercise or not.
1: What do I want ....
2: What is that going to look like...
3: What do I need to change to meet these goals ...
4: What am I willing to change or not change to meet these goals.
1: I want to be at goal 77 - 80 kgs
I want to be healthy and have a balanced approach to food and exercise where a bad day does not de-rail me for a week or more.
I want to exercise 5 times a week for an hour at a time.
2: balanced eating staying within my daily points.
To eat at least half of my exercise points and remove weeklies as they are not helping me.
3: I need to control my eating and stick I my daily points.
I need to work on my issues with food and emotional eating.
I need to be more committed to myself and reaching my goals.
4: I want to live a nice life style where I can have a bad day that does not end in a disaster for weeks on end.
I am willing to work in my issues become more committed to my goals and being the best person I can be.
I am going to learn to deal with stress better and not eat my feelings.
****
Doing ok today .. Slight high in the sugar category but today's goal 33 points only is still under control.
I have a huge muscle knot in my left shoulder it's so big and sitting on my nerve and killing my arm and shoulder. It's sending pains and numbness right down to my fingers :(
Thursday 27 December 2012
Exercise really is going to be the key I think
Home scales 92.3 kgs
( 2.4 kgs gain in a week)
I got up and went for a 30 min run this morning what a huge difference it makes to my eating. It seems to switch my brain into healthy option mode. I have alto consumed 1.6 litres of water so far today.
It's weird weather here so everyone is watching tv or playing computer games. That for me is no reason to eat badly,I should show you the gauntlet I face each day with the food in the house. Because we live with them it's not like I can throw it all out.. 8 months till we move into our house .. Bring it on.. Right moving on with the day.. Ill be back later.
Back ugh trying hard not to eat the wrong things .. Chips are sitting on the bench yelling at me. I had blueberrys and two squares of chocolate instead..
Watching a movie so they will help entertain me.
Ok neatly fell off but reigned it back in.. Managed to have 1 glass of low alcohol wine as well. Pleased with my efforts, now to get through the rest of the evening. There is strawberries in the fridge and melon as well.. I can do this!
And then during the movies we got out chips.... And I ate about half a packet... Frigg!
It's better than uncontrolled eating but it's not controlled enough... Try again tomorrow.
Night night all
( 2.4 kgs gain in a week)
I got up and went for a 30 min run this morning what a huge difference it makes to my eating. It seems to switch my brain into healthy option mode. I have alto consumed 1.6 litres of water so far today.
It's weird weather here so everyone is watching tv or playing computer games. That for me is no reason to eat badly,I should show you the gauntlet I face each day with the food in the house. Because we live with them it's not like I can throw it all out.. 8 months till we move into our house .. Bring it on.. Right moving on with the day.. Ill be back later.
Back ugh trying hard not to eat the wrong things .. Chips are sitting on the bench yelling at me. I had blueberrys and two squares of chocolate instead..
Watching a movie so they will help entertain me.
Ok neatly fell off but reigned it back in.. Managed to have 1 glass of low alcohol wine as well. Pleased with my efforts, now to get through the rest of the evening. There is strawberries in the fridge and melon as well.. I can do this!
And then during the movies we got out chips.... And I ate about half a packet... Frigg!
It's better than uncontrolled eating but it's not controlled enough... Try again tomorrow.
Night night all
Wednesday 26 December 2012
The end of the year is near but my goals are not
Today for me is a bit of a revelation in terms of goals and getting there.
I have not achieved any of my personal weight loss or fitness goals this year but in other areas have achieved so much. Is there a balance to all this? How the hell do I find it?
I think that is my issue finding a balance of what works what doesn't and making and sticking to agendas and goals. I am the biggest emotional eater on the planet and the last three weeks have been the hardest in my life, the sinking in that my Dad is in Oz for well who knows and that I will not see him and the biggest thing is ... I feel like an orphan.
"W's" family are amazing and treat me like I have been here forever and I love them even more for that, but well.. with no mother (honestly she is not a mother at all) and just my brother who is busy I feel well, like once my grandparents have gone I will be me.. alone .. something I am working on.
I need to work on setting some exercise goals. Getting my food back in order and counting my points and believing in myself a lot more.
I can do this.. I have lost 50 off kilograms I can lose the last 12 - 15 kgs.
I need to commit to exercise 4-5 times a week.. good balanced eating ... hardest part of that is the pantry from hell. ( I will post pictures in the near future) and learning to balance the stress of my house build and dealing with the building company.
Thank you to those who are now again following my blog... but I feel this maybe the best place for me to sort myself out.
Vic
I have not achieved any of my personal weight loss or fitness goals this year but in other areas have achieved so much. Is there a balance to all this? How the hell do I find it?
I think that is my issue finding a balance of what works what doesn't and making and sticking to agendas and goals. I am the biggest emotional eater on the planet and the last three weeks have been the hardest in my life, the sinking in that my Dad is in Oz for well who knows and that I will not see him and the biggest thing is ... I feel like an orphan.
"W's" family are amazing and treat me like I have been here forever and I love them even more for that, but well.. with no mother (honestly she is not a mother at all) and just my brother who is busy I feel well, like once my grandparents have gone I will be me.. alone .. something I am working on.
I need to work on setting some exercise goals. Getting my food back in order and counting my points and believing in myself a lot more.
I can do this.. I have lost 50 off kilograms I can lose the last 12 - 15 kgs.
I need to commit to exercise 4-5 times a week.. good balanced eating ... hardest part of that is the pantry from hell. ( I will post pictures in the near future) and learning to balance the stress of my house build and dealing with the building company.
Thank you to those who are now again following my blog... but I feel this maybe the best place for me to sort myself out.
Vic
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